An open letter to our former Mormon friends. I hope that this letter can help someone else save a friendship that is worth saving.
My Dear Friend,
I was thinking about you today. I was recalling the circumstances surrounding the end of our friendship. I am sad. I am angry. I am hurt.
We were good friends. We traveled together, we spent holidays together, and we raised our kids together. We laughed together, we mourned together, we rejoiced together, and we celebrated together. We have been through hard times, heartbreaking times, and fun times. We were friends for a long, long time.
Until. Until we left the Mormon church. After a while, you stopped calling us back. You made excuses to avoid going to dinner with us. No more movies, or holidays, or vacations. No more inside jokes, misadventures, and goofy evenings eating ice cream in the grocery store. We drifted apart, and before we knew it, we hadn't seen you for over six months. Eventually you sent me a letter ending the friendship, stating that I wasn't the same "my friend Heidi" that I had been. You're right. I'm not that same Heidi, and I think that's a good thing.
When we met for dinner two years ago, not knowing it would be the last time I saw you, you said the following to me: "You wear whatever you want, say whatever you want, drink whatever you want, and think whatever you want. I see enough of that in my job at the high school, and I don't need it in my friends." That night, I was apologetic, almost desperate to save the friendship, but the more I thought about it, I got angry.
Damn right, I can say, think, wear, drink, and do whatever I want. I follow my heart and my own conscience. Before you judged me and dissolved our friendship, did you even look at my heart and my soul? Did you see that I am much less judgmental? Did you see the kindness that I show to strangers? Did I start gossiping, being cruel, dishonest, or violent? Did you look at my moral values, or did you judge me based only on superficial changes in me? Did you set aside your Mormon yardstick for a moment, so you could see me with unbiased eyes?
Sure, I curse from time to time, I got a tattoo, I drink wine, I have three piercings in each ear, I wear shorter skirts, tops with no sleeves, and sometimes I have cleavage. I think for myself and I do the things that I think are right. I have a kind soul, I care for others and the earth, I love my fellow man and I am a flawed human being, but I'm a better version of me than Mormon me was. It's a shame that you didn't stick around to see it. My life is rich and full of amazing people, but I'll likely always be a little sad that you aren't part of it.
I wish you the best.
Your free-thinking friend,
Heidi
I guess it goes to show the depth of the "friendship" we had with all of those people we thought were our "friends". In reality, we hardly knew them and they hardly knew us either. Most of those old friendships were based upon our belief in the myth. Now that we think for ourselves, and create our own realities, that's absolutely terrifying for the TBM. Baby, it's cold out there. It's dangerous and scary. It's also amazing and wonderful. When you're so used to navigating life by asking what you should do, thinking for yourself is difficult and even more challenging when you are so ill prepared by what you've learned in Church. I mean really, how does knowing what George Albert Smith had for breakfast help you prepare for life?
ReplyDeleteA heartfelt, genuine letter. Much love to you and your family, Heidi. Would love to see you guys again when we visit Oregon next. (not terribly often these days though)
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