At last weekend’s Mormon General Conference, Jeffry R.
Holland delivered one of the most disturbing talks that has ever been uttered
over the LDS pulpit. He worked every
mother of a wayward child into a panicked frenzy over the lost soul that was
her son or daughter. His words and those
of other LDS general authorities amount to nothing more than a war cry towards
apostates.
The Mormon Church is losing members at a rate that is
sending shock waves of alarm among the glorious fifteen rich, white, privileged
men who run the corporation masquerading as a church. The membership is dropping, and by that I
mean that people are actually resigning from the church in droves. People are packing up and leaving, whole
families even, and these are not the people on the fringes of Mormonism. These
are the stalwart, temple recommend-holding Mormon poster children type families. Poof, gone!
Along with their money, time, and talents.
Now, the church has two choices. They can choose to sooth the fears of the
parents of errant children by taking a gentle stance of Christian kindness and
unconditional love, or they can choose the gestapo route. I had hoped, when I left the church three
years ago, that they would choose the former, but unfortunately, with every
passing conference, it’s clear that they are choosing the latter.
Here I present the Conference Talk that Should Have Been:
My Dear Brothers and Sisters,
I am humbled to stand before you today to speak about an
extremely sensitive topic. Many of you,
maybe even most of you have a son, daughter, or other loved one who has left
the Mormon Church to pursue another path in life. I say firmly to you, to each of you within
the sound of my voice that you have only one option, and that is to love your
wayward loved ones with the absolute unconditional love of Christ.
Now, we speak of this term a great deal in the church. What does it actually mean? Unconditional love is exactly that. Love without conditions, acceptance,
kindness, and inclusion. Do not weep and
tell them that you are praying for their lost souls. Do not exclude them from family events. Do not gossip about them because they do not
wear clothing that is in keeping with Mormon standards. Do not judge them for drinking alcohol,
smoking, getting tattoos, multiple piercings, being gay, or living with their
significant other outside the bonds of marriage. After all, didn’t God instruct us to let him
do the judging? This means that you do
not get to judge them. Period.
Which is a greater sin?
To stray from the straight and narrow path than is Mormonism, or to
judge another who strays? I say to you
that it is a greater sin to judge, because God himself reserved that privilege
for himself. Is it not enough that you
quietly live your own convictions, and leave others to live their lives as they
see fit? God only expects of you to
concern yourself with your own thoughts and deeds, not those of your loved
ones.
I speak now, especially to the mothers. These are your children. The little one you cared for, loved and
taught the best you knew how. You spent
sleepless nights while they burned up with fever. You mended their scraped elbows, and dried
their tears. You cooked countless meals
for them. You rocked them, sang to them,
read to them, taught them to pray, and took them to church. They were a gift from God to you.
Now they are grown.
It is their time to live a life of their own choosing, even if it is not
the life you would choose for them. The
beauty of our time on earth is that we all have the agency to choose the life
we want to live. Do not mourn for
them. Rejoice that they are living the
plan God set in place. God gave them the
right to determine the path for themselves.
You have done all you can, and now is the time to set them free.
If you are going to pray for them, pray that they find
happiness and joy in whatever they pursue in life. It may not be the ideal life for you, but you
can love them and support them as they make their way in this world. Some will be doctors, scientists, athletes,
musicians, artists, philosophers, teachers, and I pray that all of them will
achieve truly great things. Pray that
they will find peace in serving their fellow man. Pray that they will find solace in your arms,
that they will trust you and love you because they know that you will never
judge them.
Most of all, pray for yourself, that you can find peace and
acceptance in your own heart, free from guilt, fear, or remorse for any
failings that you might burden yourself with.
Be confident that you truly did the best you could, and did your utmost
to raise your babies to be loving human beings.
I say to you that everything will be okay. I believe in a loving God, who cares just as
deeply for your children as he does for you.
God is just, he is kind, and he is forgiving.
Weep not, worry not.
Be of good cheer as you wrap your children and loved ones in your
comforting arms as only parents are able.
Trust that God knows you and knows your children, and after all, the
Lord looketh on the heart.
Beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteperfect-if only!
ReplyDeleteLove this!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, Heidi.
ReplyDeleteI don't see one ounce of judgment in Elder Holland's address. How you could turn a beautiful message on the unconditional love mothers have for their kids into "one of the most disturbing talks ever uttered over the LDS pulpit" is absolutely beyond me. You left the church three years ago. That was your choice. Is it possible, however, that you're still looking for reasons to justify that decision? If so, you chose the wrong talk. Let me ask you this, Heidi: Do you have kids? (I assume you do) Do you have expectations of them? For example, do you expect them to learn how to read up to their capacities? Do you expect them to do chores, tell the truth, treat others fairly, and apologize when they hurt someone else? Should the world condemn you for not merely letting your kids live exactly how they want to live without any input from you? If you have never imposed expectations, opinions, rules, codes of conduct and clearly defined consequences when those rules are broken, then maybe you get to judge Elder Holland and those mothers he's speaking to. Otherwise, own your hypocrisy.
ReplyDeleteFor one thing, I let my adult children live their adult lives. It's not my business to judge or have input into their lives unless they ask me for it. Mormon mothers don't typically know how to let their adult children be adults.
DeleteSecond, Holland's talk has been weaponized by several LDS mothers who have used it against their adult children, in attempt to induce guilt, which is how I even became aware of his diatribe.
You assume a lot about me when you don't even know me. I left the church because it is based on lies. I keep fighting against the church because it ruins lives and families every day. If that's hypocrisy, then I own it, but perhaps you function with a different dictionary than the rest of the world.
I can judge Holland all I want. He's a public figure who spouts anger and hate on a regular basis. He's getting rich on the backs of poor tithe payers. He lied on television in an interview. I can say what I like about him and any other church leader I want.
Lastly, methinks thou doth protest too much. Perhaps you are even more disturbed by the questionable teachings of the church than I am.
Heidi - great response to another TBM whose thoughts are those imposed on them by the Mormon Church. DaNae Handy apparently is clueless as to why people leave Mormonism in the first place. I left 10 years ago because I discovered that it is based on an enormous stack of lies. The fact that the Mormon Church has worked very hard to keep those lies undercover for so many years is further testament to the deception that is laced throughout it. But the information available on the internet is changing that, and that is a very good thing. The only hypocrisy I see in this exchange is what is exposed by a TBM who apparently just goes along with whatever thoughts are put in her head - and judges others according to the ridiculous parameters pronounced by the Mormon Church.
ReplyDeletePerspectives can be shadowed by our own filters. As a TBM, I probably would have agreed with DaNae, but here is how I see this now. As I have had the opportunity to be on both sides of the fence with regards to mormon thinking, I feel better equipped to listen with both ears.
ReplyDeleteHere's what I read and hear Holland saying.
1. The role of women as "birthing machines."
2. Dismiss the father as soon as possible so he is not effected by the drama.
3. The ridiculous notion of "it's okay to be gay, just don't act on it."
4. Unnecessary anguish and weeping by the mother. Being gay is not a choice, it is a natural biological orientation.
5. For young gay people listening, it is another stab in the heart, to bury and hide and suffer because of their orientation.
6. For a white, straight, male to be imposing his own prejudices and bigotry on women, children, and gays, is truly repulsive.
And by the way, men are not the only ones working all day!
Wow. Just wow. I've never seen anything taken so out of context and claim to be in context in my life! if you're going to be espousing Mormon Doctrine, why don't you espouse the doctrine? Here is what Elder Holland REALLY said. And I dare you to print it in it's entirety. But I dont think you won't. In fact, I expect you to delete this whole thread. But I know that you know.
ReplyDeleteBehold Thy Mother
By Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/print/2015/10/behold-thy-mother?lang=eng
I agree with every word said by Denae Handy above. An inspiring message by Elder Holland and how you can make it negative is unbelievable to me. A very positive and inspiring message to all Mothers. Exactly the opposite of what I expected from your rant about the negative aspect. None there.
ReplyDeleteEvery single response from a believer in the LDS church shows a complete and utter lack of empathy for anyone who doesn't come from a 100% faithful mindset. It's this kind of reproach and judgmental attitude that drive your doubting and apostate relatives and friends away from you.
ReplyDeleteYou see them all as deceived by Satan and you do not listen to them. You preach to them, you testify to them, you scorn them, and you shun them, which is exactly the point of my blog post. Thank you, believers, for proving my point.
You cannot see that we once were you, we know things from your point of view. We know exactly how you think and how you feel, but you have no clue how we feel. You don't even try to understand. You approach us with arrogance and pity. You tell us that we are under the influence of Satan. You keep your kids away from us as though we might infect them. You uninvite us from family holidays and events. You throw Holland's talk in our faces telling us that's exactly how we feel about you, that you make us cry.
Empathy is sorely lacking among the membership of the LDS church, were it not, then one of you would have written this post, but instead it took an apostate to call for the general authorities of the church to speak words of love and acceptance.
I think most of Holland talk is faith promoting fiction spinning a real life encounter to a resolution that best fits the message he wants to deliver. He never lets the truth get in the way of a good story.
ReplyDeleteI think the story that most likely represents the truth is the last one. I think the story about the homosexual son is tragic and I would hope his parents could be more accepting.
I think the first story is complete poppycock. It presupposes the dude still believes but somehow couldn't endure to the end. In reality it is not that hard to do the Mormon path. Most people I know who walk a way know that the church can't be what it claims. If there is an after life my mom will realize it was kollob... Or do you say bollock... Joseph Smith had such a clever way with words. Any how it would just be nice to see mom again.